Its been a long time since the last Dill-post,due to lack of appropriate/interesting things to post about this winter.  Unfortunatly I still have nothing clever to offer you, therefore I will do what some of your favorite websites do when they run out of ideas for things to put on the website.  TOP FIVES!!!  Commence top 5 reading procedure….NOW!

Top 5 Reasons working at Tiki is cool.

1.  You get to work for Noel, who incase you weren’t aware, was sent back through time by Tony Hawk, the leader of the human/skateboarder resistance to protect the future from wack skate parks, skate stoppers, ect; He seems to have a lot of smart things to say, and even though you don’t see the guy skating so much (he stills does), that guy breathes skateboarding and busts his MF’n ass so the skateboarders of this fine city can continue to enjoy the tightest of scenes.

2.  We all love Arizona Green Tea around here, the bosses buy it by the flat.  Most the time, there’s enough green tea in the store to drown a metrosexual and his maybe even his hairdresser.

3.  The Surrounding stores all have much to offer.  WOT, our sister store provides us with female employees to harass as well as eye candy and eye brow rings. COOL!! X-Ray Dave will tell you what you want to hear in the music department, even if you yourself has no clue.  Vintage Vinyl has lots of funny shirts and some other cool stuff too, like a gas mask thats been converted into a smoking device.

4.  If your lucky, you might receive a bonus on Saturday, or a pay reduction depending in how the dice turn up.  The biggest gambling advocator is none other than Noel, even though he never wins, don’t axe me whats up with that.

5.  I get the pleasure of hanging around the skate community, steering misguided youth in the right directions and watching the rippers come up and let em hang.  Although there is the odd amount of low lives that come in here, the amount of genuinely good humans that come around makes the other type virtually unnoticeable and for that Regina, I would like to thank you.  Hooking up someone with a new set up or shoes thats getting put to use is what makes my job worth while…and getting paid for it of course.

TIKI ROOM/WOT NOW OPEN UNTIL 9 ON THURSDAYS

You know that episode of the Simpsons where they throw that guy who looks like Homer out of Moe’s because they think he’s Homer but he’s just a doppelganger? Well these jerk offs entered our store the other day, I think they’re our small town Saskatchewan equivalents. We kicked their asses and told them never to show their faces in our city again, but the resemblance is uncanny, almost as if mine, daves, noels, and liams dads donated sperm that ended up at an Estevan sperm bank.

(click for maximum exposure)

On many occasions I have asked Noel to do a top five post with me, similar to scotty’s and c-macs.  Apparently  I’m not interesting enough for a top 5 post so I decided I would do my own top five.  Enjoy.

Top 5 reasons Noel bought an iPhone

1.  the entire fourstar team had them

2.  McCoubry has one

3.  Noel is a Mac addict and possibly a reprogrammed self aware cyborg from the future, he needed it to complete his mission to save the present from certain destruction

4.  they are kind of cool I guess

5.  Kind of makes me want one too when I see his

Top 5 ways to kill time on a slow day at Tiki

1.  Perving

2.  Number 2 is always a good way to kill time and have a moment to yourself

3.  prank calls to west 49 and other lesser establishments

4.  eating, actually should be tied with number 1

5.  watching Shay Lauren clips with Noel

Top 5 activities that Danny Fernandez told me he likes to do

1.  Pee on girls in the shower

2.  Pee the bed

3.  letting girls pee on him

4.  letting boys pee on him

5.  playing “swords”

Top 5 Favorite Songs of all time (subject to change daily)

1.  Sippin on some sizzurp – 3-6 Mafiosos, UGK

2.  All about it – too $hort and Pimp C

3.  You could be mine – G n’ R

4.  is that enough? – Marvin Gaye

5.  Good Stuff – UGK

Top 5 Movies

1.  Terminator 2

2.  Last Action Hero

3.  True Lies

4.  Predator

5.  Virtuosity

Please, for your own good, don’t come into tiki asking for Big Black anything, because its not a skate company.   If you come in the store and the first sentence that comes out of your mouth is “I want Big Black…” my mind already completes your sentence for you and it doesn’t end in shoes or tee shirts.

Also, Chappy and I decided that drinking at the park is acceptable if your using a can.  Only the OG’z may rock the bottle.  HERE! HERE!

If you heard about the giant pool of blood at the skate park yesterday, authorities have confirmed that is unrelated to the greyhound bus incident or the highway highlander.

Noel is on vacation which he doesn’t take very often.  The reason for this is because he requires twice as much time to go somewhere as anyone else on account of his incredibly slow driving.  He left 3 days ago and he just got to Medicine Hat.  If Noel was any slower, he’d have to apply for a job at sarcan.  Noel drives so slow, that last time he drove to Moose Jaw to visit his family, his brother had 2 kids by the time he got there.

It has been sometime since my last post.  Me posting is somewhat of a similar situation as our new skate park was in before we got it built, meaning if I didn’t have Noel on my ass about it, it probably would never have happened.  If you see that old ass skatin around the new park, give him a hi five, a pat on the back or ass if your name is Derek Kater and say “thanks for making this happen, buddy.”  Dude busted his ass for years to make this happen so you and your punk friends could skate around with your heads in the clouds gettin in my goddamn way.  Never the less, if you are reading this it means you probably are indeed skateboarding at the park and probably not riding your bike or some other piece that wasn’t meant to be used at our park.  If you see one of these mofo’s who aren’t gettin in where they fittin in, kindly point your finger to the west and tell em : “the bike trail is that way.”  Another point that I feel must be touched upon is redheaded kids dying their hair, usually black, to hide that embarrassing ginger gene.  If you have one of special types of people as a friend you know exactly what I’m talkin about, and probably find it as funny as I do.  Also, if you seen me at the park, don’t come up to me asking for a sip of my water or any of my chips because that stuff ain’t for you.  If you impress me and I offer you a chip, you may take one.  Also try and avoid eye contact with me and asking me to pull you smokes or booze.  Thats all for now, see you at the hottest place in Saskatchewan this summer, and if you think I’m talkin about Craven, do me a favor and take all the pills in your parents medicine cabinet and drink em down with your favorite hard alcohol.

3 words :  Iron Fucking Maiden.   thats all (I’m on vacation).

The new skatepark is coming along quite nicely, anyone who has seen it in the past week surely popped a boner, unless of course you are one of the brave and talented female skaters of our city, or you are simply are to young to get boners. If your case is the latter and the last sentence confused you, please ask your parents. Don’t waste up precious internet space with questions like “what’s a boner?” and “why can’t girls get them?” I can’t tell you these things. If you have a question about shoes however I would be happy to give you advice. I have a shoe question for anyone who cares to answer: What shoes are better for longboarding? Vans Slip ons OR DC Court Graffik.

Let me start by announcing the first official Tiki warrant out for the head of Nathanial Elsworth the 3rd. The crime: stolen PINK Unit tool. The Reward: 10 allen keys. Obviously he just stole it because he saw that it was pink and simply had to have it. As a matter of fact I don’t think I have ever seen Nate come in with a female…In other news we have sold 5 times as many longboards today then ACTUAL skateboards. If you traded in your actual set-up with limitless trick capabilities for one that only has 2 (carve left or carve right), my condolences, hopefully Tony Hawk will still let you into skate heaven (as seen in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, and make no mistake, is a real place).